There have been times in my life where I couldn't see outside of my current circumstances. Some days it is the struggle to feel worthy, heard and enough. Other battles have overlapped many chapters and seasons along the way. Our crew of four keeps me on my toes with so many ages, stages, personalities, victories and battles in these day-to-day trenches of motherhood, homeschooling and life. This place we are in feels like treading water with rest, calm and smoother seas just out of reach. The tiny years are precious and priceless, utterly exhausting and unbelievably passing by in a blink. As I settle in late each night after tucking the last of my babes into bed, I look back at my day and mull over all the places and moments I wish I would have done so much better.
We have been wading through these little years for over a decade now, and sometimes it is hard to see much farther than the daily work of maintaining, growing, teaching, building up and pouring into each heart in my home. I wonder if the hard, heavy season of parenting that we are so deep in will ever feel lighter. Then I turn around to find my oldest growing up right before me, and I gain some perspective. With his twelfth birthday just around the corner, he is at that little bit older, next step up stage where gears are turning, independence is taking shape, and great conversations live alongside thoughtful acts, hard work, helpful gestures and bigger picture moments. I sit back and take him in, knowing that the person he is becoming is less of a reflection of my own capabilities as his mama, and so much more a picture of the capabilities of a good and gracious God that fills the gaps where I come up short. These glimpses of the man God is growing this guy into serve as a reminder that our years together under one roof are now fewer than the years I have spent with him so far. I am beginning to see that the things that seem so challenging won't always be so hard (and the easy things might not always seem so simple as my little people grow up). So very grateful for this sweet big kid stage in the midst of all the rest, knowing full well that Year 9, Year 6 and Year 3 of his younger siblings are fleeting. Through trials and triumphs these little years are just for a season, and these little people I've been given certainly don't keep.
Lord, give me perspective for this season. Clear my tired eyes to see each of my little people the way YOU see them. Equip me with the patience, grace, wisdom and rest to sustain me in this journey of parenting. Turn my worry into trust, my self-doubt into wisdom and my weary heart into thankfulness overflowing.
